Authentic Joe

From the opening master shot of white rabbits in cages, to the weird conclusion, Us is riveting. It begs you to watch, and captures your attention with a relentless sense of unease. The viewer is piecing together the hidden clues, all the while terrified for the highly likable, and extremely well acted, protagonists. The film strikes a balance between horror and comedy that is often very difficult to achieve. Early on, we have a beautiful Santa Cruz beach that feels menacing. These are moments of genuine humor layered on top of the growing dread. Not everything in the narrative makes perfect sense, but that is part of the fun. The principle cast is comprised of dark-skinned black people, and it is a refreshing change for a mainstream film. Race doesn't feel essential to the plot, like it did in Get Out . However, there are aspects of a modern day racism that is much closer to class-ism, but it is not the larger focus of the plot. No, this is something else. This is the ar...

Blockers is not a particularly good film. The chemistry between the primary adult cast is lacking, especially in comparison to their more dynamic teen counterparts. Still, John Cena is a better actor than he should be, and continues to prove it here. It is slightly overlong, and suffers for it. A more focused story, where the parental figures played a more secondary roll, could have been successful. Limiting the more interesting story of the kids to B tier plot, was a mistake. Some of the comedic bits would benefited from brevity. Several of the "riffing" sessions run too long, and are more dramatic in nature than comedic. That isn't to say that the laughs aren't there. Any time a man shits beer into another man's face, you will probably laugh. There are funny, and sad, moments during a particular under-the-bed scene involving Leslie Mann, but they almost feel too intrusive to elicit any genuine laughter. I will credit the trend diverging decision not to inc...

Success in video games requires touch. It requires gentle precision and adroit fingers. Buttons are purely tactile, as are the sensitive joysticks and directional pads. Triggers are pressure sensitive, and imputing combinations requires absorbing and processing feedback to succeed. All of these are the qualities of a successful lover. Processing the feedback of a partner, carefully and expertly manipulating the various inputs; these are the jobs of a lover. I say 'lover', but I mean sexual partner. When you are engaged in such activity, you've entered into a sort of game. Think of clitoral stimulation, and the various complexities that lie herein. It is a button, in a sense. A button that can be the key to a sublime satisfaction, or a source of enigmatic frustrations. Just as handing a controller to someone who has never played a game may elicit a response of confusion, or incompetence, so too may introducing one to sex organs. They represent a feedback loop so ...

On a lonely hill stood the great city of Abbernacky, Its tall stone walls gazing down over the vast fields of green that surrounded them. In the center of Abbernacky was a monolithic tower, the chamber of parliament. Here the House of Lords and the House of Wizards would debate endlessly over the many laws and by-laws that governed the city. The Tower of Parliament also served as a clock tower. It stood omniscient, a watch by which all citizens could keep perfect time. On a much smaller hill, some distance from the city walls, stood two small figures. Just specks of gray, barely visible in the shadow of the great city. Of these two, the slightly larger speck was a boy, or a man, depending on ones perception of such things. He was pale and ordinary, his long dark hair tossed haphazardly in the twisting gales. He wore the beige robes of a wizard’s apprentice. In his hands he carried a large wooden staff, one he thrashed about vigorously, in an attempt to better illustrate h...

The style and setting are wonderfully dark, and grimy. There is a veneer of sadness that covers everything in this film, and the aesthetic really works. What doesn't work, is the over reliance on weirdness at the expense of the magical realism the film works to build. This is a less good Sorry to Bother You. There are some oddities to point out here: The sound effects for the characters walking around are weirdly, and intentionally, way off. The retro futuristic grime is really wonderful, and the setting easily outshines the story it sets out to tell. The film takes place in a depressed world, where suicides are alarmingly common. Is this a non-edy? No. There are a few legitimate laughs to be had. Any humor that does exist is very dark, but it does qualify as an actual comedy.

There is a sense of foreboding that slowly builds through the first act of Gemini. The tension is palpable, and enjoyable. Once the stage is set, and the mystery proper ensues, things become a lot less interesting. It devolves into a highly predictable and rote mystery that was telegraphed by a lack of likely suspects to muddy the possible outcomes. I hope it isn't that easy for weirdos to approach celebrities in real life! The scene with the creepy stalker girl is a highlight. Despite being a competently put together film with serviceable acting, it is ultimately a mystery thriller that lacks mystery and thrills.

Welcome to a new addition to the Blog!!! Professional Football commentary! Nobody asked for it, but they sure will get it! I am a lifelong fan of professional football. I would like to think I am pretty knowledgeable as well... Throughout the season, I will make regular posts commenting on the 2019-2020 NFL season. My first post will detail my visit to Packers Training Camp, this August.

Hush is an adaptation of a seminal Batman story. There are deviations here and there, but it is relatively faithful. It is a tight 80-ish minutes, and everyone gets their due. Nightwing gets plenty of love, for once! It is a whirlwind, but everything flows towards the conclusion. This is no masterwork of film, but it is a blueprint. If those responsible for making these bloated superhero abomination films took note of Hush, we may well have something worth watching. We see Batman's rouges gallery. We get lots of romance with Catwoman. We even get Superman. All of the theatrical Batman films seem to focus on a single villain, and ignore the larger world Batman exists within. I don't want to watch 2 hours and 40 minutes of Batman fighting Bane. Christopher Nolan understood Batman as well as he understands how to mow his own lawn. Hush is fast, fluid, and fun.

This is a Coen Brothers movie, absent the Coen's charms and abilities. The camera work is mostly plain, with nothing of great note. It lacked set piece shots and moments where the artistry of the medium shined. We see Jennifer Aniston in a subdued performance. It lands somewhere between nuanced and phoning it in. The resolution seemed to make light of the victim's circumstances, despite the fact that things were a heartbeat away from ending in a much darker way. Not too terribly much here to warrant a viewing. It takes place in 1978, and is based on a book.

This will not be the last time I will pose this question; when did it become okay to label any movie a comedy? I think of them as the IFC or Sundance comedy.  They are legion in number, but certainly not in laughs. These films often have star filled, talented casts that should be great, that should be funny. Instead they turn into films that feel long (but aren't), and are often pretty to look at, but have little substance. They will be singularly focused on an idea, like in the case of this film. The theme has something to do with marriage? Turns out the husband is a creep, but doesn't seem like he knows it. Spend a lot of time digging if you decide to watch this one. You won't find much of interest at the bottom. Wasted cast. Wasted set-up. Not a single laugh. I dub thee... A non-edy!

This is a film that is trying to convince children to stay young. It doesn't work. Nobody has sex, despite an R rating. It seems to be packaging a message of avoiding urges to become an adult, to impede stepping into the larger world of discovery. This message should fall on deaf ears. The kids smoke black pot (see: brick weed). They flirt and kiss in dark corners of strange deserted factories. But they really aren't that bad. These are good kids, growing into normal people. In that way, it is realistic. I do understand the message. Leaving behind that world of play and imagination is such a terrible detriment. The movie doesn't really provide any dire consequences for choosing the other path. There aren't any characters that choose to defy the film's mandate, only all around innocence. It instead shows a bunch of nobody actors engaging in nobody actions. It was a well acted, adequately shot, film. Final Thoughts:  Baggy jeans. No-name actors doing decent wo...

One week home from the hospital, and my infant's life was at risk. I stared down at my son, screaming in agony, writhing in pain. Something was wrong, I was certain. My child, who to this point had been healthy and happy at home for seven whole days, had devolved into a crying mass of quivering red flesh. I pressed my hand to his forehead. It was warm. It was blazing hot. He had a fever. It was an infection, there could be no doubt. We (my wife and I) opened our new digital thermometer. After fumbling with the plastic, unnerved by the cries, I placed the device under my son's tiny armpit. I looked to my wife, fear and anguish evident in my expression. The auxiliary thermometer beeped twice. My son continued to cry, louder it seemed, certainly in more pain. We leaned in unison over the small digital display on the device. 98.9. A fever, or close enough. Panic ensued. My wife, a statistics driven analyst for a bank conglomerate, demanded a second sample. As my son s...

I'm Joe. I am authentic. I am an Authentic Joe, writing words. Some authentic words, from an Authentic Joe. This blog will serve as a collection of writing samples. I hope you find them interesting. Hopefully interesting enough to offer me employment! Art Deco District I will explore ideas I am interested in. I plan (loosely) to discuss a topic in a very open fashion, and then try to craft a piece of fiction around it. I will also be doing the occasional movie review. They will be totally untimely, and probably of interest to no one.